I've blown a few things in my day
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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