im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize