dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
