Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
