Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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