I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
