failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
