And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
