I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
