Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
