So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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