but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
