I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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