The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is Oprah even human
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
