we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
