Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
