Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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