you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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