Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
