Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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