Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
love makes seman taste better
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
