some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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