I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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