then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my shit smells like andre
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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