I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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