that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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