i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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