Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
