i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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