My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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