Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
