i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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