I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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