Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
