is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
