One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
