I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
