please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
