you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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