She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So much rum. So many feels.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
