The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
