Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
