dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
