dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
