i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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