According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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