I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
