Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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