I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
