evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
