Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
