He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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