If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
