Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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