**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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