He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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