At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
