We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
