Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
