What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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