In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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