Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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